Supply: Jayne Mattson
(co-authored with Jayne Mattson)
Whether or not we’re networking for a brand new job, becoming a member of a brand new group, or assembly our new neighbors, all of us need to make an amazing first impression. However usually we may be our personal worst enemy and sabotage first impressions by speaking an excessive amount of or too little about ourselves.
Certainly one of us (Jayne Mattson, a profession advisor and Founding father of CareerEngage) has developed a simple-but-effective technique to make sure we make constructive first impressions with these with meet.
She means that the subsequent time you introduce your self (or get launched) to somebody new, bear in mind 4 phrases:
YOU…YOU…ME…YOU
After the preliminary handshake and identify trade, get different folks speaking about themselves (YOU…YOU) by asking questions, exhibiting curiosity, and following up with extra inquiries to study extra about their background and pursuits. Then discover a possibility to share one thing about your self (…ME) after which attempt to finish the dialog with a renewed give attention to them (…YOU).
In different phrases, the very best technique for making an amazing first impression is NOT by attempting to impress different folks with your personal qualities and success, however by making certain they stroll away from the dialog 1) feeling heard, valued and energized and a couple of) studying one thing constructive and memorable about you.
Speaking Too A lot
In her years of teaching, Jayne has discovered that some folks have a tendency to speak an excessive amount of about themselves. Some do it out of nervousness or concern of awkward pauses in conversations (and what these pauses suggest). For others it’s just because they acquire vitality by speaking and may’t assist themselves. For just a few it’s an unhealthy ego and a perception they’re one of the crucial fascinating folks on this planet.
Both approach, as a substitute of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up both:
ME…ME…ME…ME (and never solely do you look self-absorbed however you additionally bore different folks to dying)
YOU…ME…ME…ME (and it turns into apparent that you just’re not that fascinated by them)
ME…ME…ME…YOU (and the token show of curiosity on the finish comes off as patronizing)
Speaking Too Little
On the flip aspect, Jayne has discovered that some folks have a tendency to speak too little about themselves. For some it’s nervousness or uncertainty round what to say about themselves. For others it’s the problem of getting “air time” amongst extremely talkative folks. Both approach, as a substitute of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up largely YOU…YOU…YOU…YOU. Whereas others could stroll away from the dialog feeling energized, they bear in mind nothing about you or why a continued relationship is likely to be useful (apart from that you just’re listener).
Avoiding Conversational Ping Pong
If you happen to’re fortunate and also you’re interacting with somebody who additionally understands this technique, you’ll possible have a extra balanced, give-and-take dialog that energizes and satisfies each of you. However don’t assume that each one conversations ought to be both ME…YOU…ME…YOU or YOU…ME…YOU…ME. Conversations not often movement in such a inflexible back-and-forth approach, and when you’re ready for the opposite particular person to reciprocate with a query each time you ask one, you’ll possible set your self up for frustration.
Easy methods to Make YOU…YOU…ME…YOU Work
Jayne provides these six tricks to make this a profitable technique:
- Attempt to ask 3-4 questions of the opposite particular person earlier than speaking about your self.
- Construct your subsequent query off what they’ve simply mentioned. This reveals you’re paying consideration.
- Don’t neglect the non-verbals. Present you’re interested in periodically establishing eye contact and leaning ahead.
- As you begin to speak about your self, use what you’ve discovered concerning the different particular person to selectively emphasize issues that you’ve got in frequent.
- Because the dialog naturally reaches its finish, ask yet one more query to convey the main target again to the opposite particular person. Search for alternatives to be useful, whether or not it’s offering info, recommendation, help, or simply momentary companionship.
- If it appears proper, recommend assembly once more to proceed the dialog, and trade contact info. Place your future assembly as a possibility for mutual profit.
All it Takes is Follow
In fact, YOU…YOU…ME…YOU isn’t a strict method. However reminding your self about it simply earlier than you meet somebody new may help you keep away from the traps of speaking an excessive amount of or too little, and make sure the different particular person walks away with not solely first impression however a willingness to work together with you down the street. And all of it begins with exhibiting curiosity in others. As Dale Carnegie as soon as mentioned “You can also make extra mates in two months by turning into fascinated by different folks than you possibly can in two years by attempting to get different folks fascinated by you!”
First Impressions Important Reads
Jayne has used YOU…YOU…ME…YOU with lots of her teaching shoppers they usually’ve discovered it a easy strategy to cut back anxiousness, construct confidence, and enhance their willingness to place themselves on the market and construct the relationships they should discover success and happiness.