A few weeks in the past, I posted a few actually horrible proposal of marriage obtained by Elizabeth Bennet in Pleasure and Prejudice, and the way it’s like some fundraising: The type the place organizations say, “You need to donate as a result of that may be excellent for us.”
Since then, I remembered one thing else about Pleasure and Prejudice: Elizabeth had the misfortune of getting a second horrible proposal, not lengthy after that first one. This one from Mr. Darcy, a super-rich man who appeared to dislike almost everybody, together with Elizabeth.
Till he out of the blue reveals up the place she’s staying and, to her nice shock, says he loves her and needs to marry her. However boy does he blow it. He mainly says I’m a giant deal, you aren’t, and I shouldn’t marry you — however I need to anyway. Right here’s a part of that scene from the e book, which not directly describes what he has to say:
His sense of her inferiority — of its being a degradation — of the household obstacles which judgment had at all times against inclination, had been dwelt on with a heat which appeared as a result of consequence he was wounding, however was most unlikely to advocate his go well with…. He concluded with representing to her the energy of that attachment which, regardless of all his endeavours, he had discovered unattainable to overcome; and with expressing his hope that it could now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he stated this, she may simply see that he had little question of a beneficial reply. He spoke of apprehension and anxiousness, however his countenance expressed actual safety.
Typically, fundraising is like that:
Our group is de facto, actually essential. We do one thing that issues quite a bit, and we’re excellent at it. You, donor, then again, are poor in some ways. You’ve got few sources. You don’t actually perceive our work. You’re insufficiently linked with our trigger. You simply don’t get it. However we want your cash. So cough it up.
Then they surprise why “Elizabeth” says no.
Sadly, we see fundraising like that commonly. It’s fairly fashionable amongst some in our neighborhood.
Many readers of the e book surprise how Elizabeth may presumably settle for Mr. Darcy, as she finally does — and so they get married. How may anybody say sure after such a self-centered, scolding, disagreeable attraction letter proposal.
In most relationship moments, issues go higher once you perceive: It’s not all about me!
If you wish to affect individuals and improve your connection, it is advisable to perceive their world. Why they would possibly care. Actually, What’s in it for them?
Approaching the connection with an smug, me-first, “you’re a loser” strategy is a fast path to failure. Whether or not you’re searching for marriage or a donation. Relationships go each methods.
Poor Mr. Collins was a schlub. Mr. Darcy was a jerk (There’s a greater time period for what he was, however I choose to not use it right here).
Don’t be both of them.
The 1995 TV miniseries of Pleasure and Prejudice depicts what Mr. Darcy might need really stated for his proposal. See it right here on YouTube.