I am Extraordinarily Aggressive — Here is How I Preserve It from Turning into a Downside


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I’m aggressive, and I hate to lose. After I really feel like somebody goes to be higher than me at one thing, it flips a change someplace deep inside me and places me into overdrive.

This is not restricted to the work I do at FutureFund, my free fundraising platform for Okay-12 faculty teams. I wish to be one of the best athlete, coach, household man and software program engineer that I will be. And for probably the most half, this works. It motivates me to attempt for excellence and hold difficult myself as an alternative of turning into too comfy and stagnating.

However the identical tendency that drives me to excel at this stuff can generally develop into counterproductive. My dislike of dropping is definitely so robust that I typically hate enjoying board video games. As you’ll be able to think about, that may actually put a damper on household sport evening if I do not hold it in examine.

A lot of individuals in tech are like this as a result of it is a aggressive panorama. Possibly it is the identical for you: something you do, it’s a must to do 100% — and since you put 100% of your self into one thing, it is nearly not possible to your success or failure to not really feel like a mirrored image of who you’re. Like me, you could have a model, and that model is: if you do one thing, you’ll succeed.

The trick is to maintain your sense of competitors wholesome in order that it serves your work and private objectives as an alternative of getting in your manner. Here is how I do it — and how one can, too.

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The way in which you reply to competitors is a selection

Not everybody responds to competitors in the identical manner. Folks are inclined to fall into one in every of two teams after they witness another person succeeding at a aim they’ve for themselves.

The primary group tries to sabotage the success they see in others. They ask how they will shift their competitors’s repute in order that it is unfavourable. That is extra generally accepted than you may assume. We are inclined to look down on manufacturers who run apparent smear campaigns towards their rivals, however a lot of corporations get away with writing press releases that favorably examine their services or products to these of their largest opponents.

The second group tries to enhance themselves to allow them to match and surpass the success they see others experiencing. They develop into motivated to higher themselves as an alternative of casting aspersions on their rivals. This strategy can really feel like much more work, however I’ve discovered that it is also often far more rewarding.

The primary group’s strategy may work at first — however there are apparent dangers. Not solely can this blow again on you for those who’re too heavy-handed, however it might probably additionally provoke your rivals and encourage them to work more durable towards you than they usually would have. However the largest drawback is that specializing in others does not do something to enhance your talents.

The second group’s strategy requires you to be unflinchingly sincere with your self and your staff about your strengths and weaknesses, which will be difficult at first. But it surely additionally pays dividends. You be taught the place to take a position your effort and time for max features. You develop into extra environment friendly and fewer prone to blame others to your errors, and also you finally get nearer to turning into one of the best you will be at what you are doing.

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Desirous to win vs. hating to lose

As soon as you’ve got chosen to encourage your self as an alternative of tearing down your opponents, the subsequent query is do it. Here is a technique to consider it that is all the time helped me:

It isn’t nearly desirous to win; it is about hating to lose. In case you’re something like me, the frustration of dropping is normally stronger for you than the enjoyment of successful.

This does not allow you to be a sore loser on these events when it inevitably does occur — you do not wish to break household sport evening. However making it a precedence to keep away from unfavorable outcomes is commonly useful as a result of it makes you extra prone to repair the sorts of issues that individuals may let slide in the event that they’re too centered on their wins.

One among FutureFund’s main opponents finally went out of enterprise as a result of their help staff routinely took weeks to get again to individuals. This difficulty would have been simple to appropriate, however they let it develop into their Achilles heel. Though it may not have felt vital sufficient for them to repair, it turned out to be vital for his or her customers.

So we determined that one in every of our non-negotiables can be to reply help tickets in an affordable period of time — a few hours or much less. That was simple to decide to, but it surely had a profoundly constructive impression on our success.

Take into consideration this within the context of your startup. Staying aggressive means celebrating your wins, however by no means letting your self be complacent about the place there’s room for enchancment.

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You outline what successful is

Lastly, you want a wholesome approach to quantify and acknowledge your wins. That may be tough as a result of, in enterprise, it is not all the time clear who’s successful. There are not any common goalposts that everybody can see.

Here is my rule: competitors is wholesome if you determine what success seems to be like as an alternative of letting others do it. Measure your progress by how far you’ve got are available in relation to the objectives you’ve got set as an alternative of letting your opponents management the narrative and all the time being one step behind them.

Success, for me, is about being a little bit higher than I used to be the day earlier than. If you’re in a startup, your product will not be excellent at first — or possibly ever. However you’re employed to ensure it is higher as we speak than it was final month — or final week, or yesterday. This fashion, you’ll be able to a minimum of be sure to’re on track.

In case you’ve chosen your mission rigorously, this type of progress turns into a a lot better benchmark for achievement than what another firm is doing. You possibly can learn extra about that in my subsequent article under:

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